True. I have to admit that I'm not a believer anymore. I do like the idea in theory, but when I realized that it's not actually 100% like in the Santa Claus workshop on TV, that has been my vision around the Xmas process and the underlying gift delivery system etc, then I also lost my enthusiasm about the whole thing.

We spent Xmas according to the traditions year after year when I grew up and it was probably very good, but being the spoiled brat that I was, I mainly paid attention to the gifts, like most other kids at the time and even now. It grew more and more into a repetetive yearly time-killing session together with the family. The highlight was the poker game that we always played. I could easily do without the food. But of course, I wanted to please my Mother by acting nicely. When I later had the chance to run the Xmas agenda myself, I had already got stuck with my own family and baby. Suddenly you think that you have to do it in the same way as your parents did for you, even though I probably didn't really like it that much. Everyone else is also doing it. Hmmmm... I can't really recall any specific Xmas from any of those years, since they are just a copy of the previous year. I do remember a couple of Xmas celebrations in an other stage of my life from New Zealand and Australia in the 80's because they were exciting and were breaking the patterns (beach parties). Then again I had a series of years with traditional Xmas celebrations in the 90's with my new family here at home and it became obvious for me that this is not my favourite tradition, so I rebelled a bit and made myself less popular with my wife all through the month of December each year. Still, I kept a good face and tried to be happy. You know the classic phrase "do it for the kids". After my divorce in the beginnig of the new decade, I had some Xmas weekends up north in the winterhouse with Ronja. That was great. Snow, outdoor activities, fireplace, silence, harmony & peace. We were able to meet our families before or after Xmas anyway, but it was a relief to be able to escape the actual traditions. Now, in the current phase of my life, we have spent the last couple of Xmas weekends in Bali & Sydney. No snow, but lots of other fun activities.

It's now 2008 and as they say "when the Devil grews old, he goes religious", so I am somehow back on trad-track a bit again, having a Xmas tree, Xmas ham, Xmas party with the extended family in our house tomorrow. But when I was out doing some Xmas gift shopping today, all those old feelings came back to me. Snap snap, take me out of here. The commercial hysterical bullshit is killing all the spirit. So the trick is probably to cut off that part from the Xmas tradition and focus on just being together with the near and dear ones.

Perhaps I'm Claustrophobic ;-)  GOD JUL!